Junction City, KS – In a turn of events that no one (except maybe your uncle who believes in Bigfoot) could have predicted, residents of Junction City were treated to a spectacle right out of a sci-fi movie. Witnesses report seeing unidentified flying objects hovering above the town last night. And no, it wasn’t just someone flying a fancy drone.
According to eyewitness accounts, the aliens didn’t come in peace… or war, really. They mostly came in what looked like oversized, glowing frisbees. As the saucers floated lazily in the sky, one resident described the beings onboard as “a mix between a glow stick and a garden gnome, but with more legs.”
Yes, you heard that right. These extraterrestrial visitors are said to be short, with smooth, fluorescent skin that changed colors every few seconds, like one of those fancy LED light strips your teenager wants. They reportedly had three arms and six legs, which seemed excessive for flying a saucer, but who are we to judge?
Local farmer Bubba Joe Perkins gave his account, in what can only be described as a masterclass in small-town wisdom.
“I was out back, checkin’ on my moonshine operation—I mean, uh, my tomato plants—when I saw ‘em. Thought it was a dang ol’ firefly at first, then it got closer and I thought, ‘Nah, that ain’t no firefly, it’s one of them there space critters!’ Looked like they’s tryin’ to parallel park their spaceship, but I reckon aliens ain’t learned to drive neither.”
The saucers reportedly stayed for about an hour, before zipping away, leaving the citizens of Junction City wondering if they’d just witnessed a glitch in the matrix—or if maybe the local brewery had spiked the latest batch of beer.
The U.S. government has, predictably, declined to comment, but the mayor has urged residents to “remain calm and not shoot at the sky. That includes you, Bubba.”
As for the aliens? They didn’t leave any clues, but if they return, we recommend they bring a translator…and maybe a map. Turns out, Junction City isn’t exactly on the galactic tourist trail.
